Saint Peter's School Catholic National Plus & International School

Reflections

10 November 2009

MANAGING CRITICISM

Saint Peter in his letter says, “you must all have the same attitude and the same feelings: love one another, and be kind and humble with one another. Do not pay back evil with evil or cursing with cursing; instead pay back with a blessing, because a blessing is what God promised to give you when he called you.” (1 Ptr 3.8-9).

My dear Principals, teachers, staff and beloved students,

To have the same attitude as what Saint Peter said in the reading above is not easy. To pay a blessing to those who did evil to us is not something  easy to be done. Because we are still human beings who have many weaknesses. But leaning on God’s grace and help we will be able to do so.

Some insights below will guide us how to manage criticism we are facing daily. We know that criticism is good for our growth, but not all criticism sounds sweet, sometimes as hot as chilly powder. So, when you are criticized, learn how to handle it productively.

A. Unproductive or counterproductive ways of handling criticism:

1. To avoid it; to pretend you didn’t hear, change subject.
2. To deny: “I am not”, “I did not”
3. To excuse: to give a long rationalization.
4. To strike back: “you are worse than I am.”

Those reactions are not helpful, because they generate defensiveness. Also, if this manner of responding becomes habitual, you can be manipulated.

 B. Better way of handling criticism:

1. Ask for details: “why do you say that?” Criticism is usually given in general terms: “you are being unfair,” or “you are irresponsible,” and the like.
2. Asking for details enables you to learn which specific behaviour of yours is in question. It tends to bring things to the adult level.
3. Then, if the criticism is correct, agree with it. We apologize for our wrong done!
4. Even if the examination it is not correct, you can accept that he or she honestly sees it that way, and agree with the person’s right to see it differently. We have to learn what others tell about us.

This way of handling criticism avoids much sterile conflict and reflects the principle that while you may not be responsible for the criticism, you are responsible for the way you respond to it. I think it is the way you pay back with blessing to those who did evil one.